What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying
What to Say to Someone Who is Dying (and What to Avoid)
By
Gabrielle Applebury
Using her M.A., Gabrielle has worked with multiple families to help them in the grieving procedure. She advocates the use of equine-assisted psychotherapy for grief and loss.
Read More
M.A., Marriage and Family Therapy
Many people have difficulty knowing what to say to a loved i who is passing away. While information technology isn't always easy to know what to say to someone who is in the process of dying, at that place are some principles to keep in listen.
What Do You Say to Someone Who Is Dying?
Whether you lot are comfortable speaking about death and dying or not, being in that location for your loved ane can make a world of difference to them as they become through this experience. Any you lot bring up, be sure to do and then with kindness and pity. Imagine if you were in their shoes before you say something then you accept a amend thought of how information technology may exist received. You may want to speak with them about:
- Their funeral arrangements or plans: "Are you comfy talking about your end-of-life wishes?" Follow this up with an offer of help, "I really want to make sure y'all have everything you lot want."
- "How are you doing today?"
- "Is there annihilation I can do for you lot today?"
- "Is at that place anything yous'd like to do today?"
- "What would you like to talk about?" They may bring up their current experience, or may want to discuss a volume, a picture show, the news, or anything else. Merely go with it, and follow their lead.
- "How are you lot feeling today?"
- "I just wanted to tell you how much you hateful to me."
- "You've been the most incredible friend and I feel and then lucky to have you in my life."
You tin certainly bring up how much you'll miss them and how much they mean to you, merely be certain that they don't terminate upward taking care of you. It's really of import that you show up for them as they get through this.
What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying Soon
If someone is nearing the end of their life, they may or may non accept difficulty communicating with you lot. They may besides see and hear things that you lot are unable to. These are known as end-of-life hallucinations. Even if they are unable to convey their thoughts to you, y'all can nonetheless tell them how much they hateful to you lot and offer comfort to them by saying:
- "I dearest you and so much."
- "Thank yous for didactics me...."
- "I volition never forget when...."
- "My favorite memory nosotros share....."
- "I'yard sorry for....."
- "I hope y'all'll forgive me for....."
- "It sounds similar you're seeing...."
- "It sounds like y'all're hearing...."
- "Know that you are safe and I'm here with yous."
- "May I hold your hand while we speak?"
What to Say or Do if the Dying Person Is an Associate
If an acquaintance tells you that they are in the process of dying, or yous hear about information technology from someone else, keep in mind that it's okay to not know what to do or say. Proverb something uncomplicated or reaching out with a gesture tin look similar:
- Baking them something special.
- Offering to be there for them if they want to talk.
- Telling them, "I heard about what'southward going on and am here for you."
- Sending a card, flowers, or food delivery with a note that says you are thinking of them.
- Saying to them, "I am then sorry to hear about what y'all are going through, please let me know if in that location'southward anything I tin exercise."
Is it Okay to Cry?
It is absolutely okay to cry regardless of how far along your loved i is in the dying process. Crying expresses to them how much they mean to y'all and how you genuinely feel. Pretending that everything is okay for the sake of your friend may come beyond as disingenuous, when in reality, the best affair to practise is to be in the moment with them. Be certain that if y'all exercise end up crying that the focus shifts dorsum to your friend's feelings so you can go on to show them that you lot are there to support them equally they get through this.
Ways to Condolement a Dying Loved One
Aside from speaking with your loved one, just showing upwardly and existence at that place for them tin can provide comfort and support. Go along in mind, depending on what phase they are in the dying procedure, they may be experiencing feelings of denial, acrimony, sadness, confusion, fear, and disorientation.
Hear Them Out
Death and dying can bring up a lot of anxiety inside yourself, and then try to just be there with them in the moment and validate their thoughts and emotions, fifty-fifty if your opinions or thoughts are unlike. Slow down and really listen to what your friend or family member has to say. Some people want to share important memories at the stop of their lives and may feel comforted when someone stops to listen to a favorite story from their babyhood. Others may have worries and fears they want to share. Listen without passing judgment and offering support and validation.
Talk About Death and Dying
Sometimes a person in the process of dying will want to discuss what it has been like for them to go through this. This may feel uncomfortable for some, only it is especially of import that your friend or family unit member gets to voice his or her concerns and questions. He or she may want to talk virtually funeral plans, organ donation, or making a will. Listen, enquire questions respectfully, and make sure they feel heard during this time.
Offer Support to a Loved 1 Who Is Hallucinating
Some individuals experience auditory and/or visual hallucinations which can be a completely normal part of the dying procedure. If they are agitated or frightened past these things, endeavor to re-orient them to their surroundings and offer condolement by speaking in a soothing tone and letting them know they are prophylactic. If they are comfortable with what they are experiencing, it is best not to debate with them and simply witness this office of their process.
Follow Their Lead
Information technology's ever best to let the individual in the process of dying accept the lead in terms of conversation topic and the tone of interaction. This means that yous enter into these interactions or visits without an agenda and are just there for your friend or family unit fellow member. They may drop hints or mention off handedly some death-related thoughts. If then, y'all tin can ask if they'd like to talk virtually that with you a bit more.
What to Avoid Saying to Someone Who is Dying
Every bit y'all connect with someone in the procedure of dying, try not to:
- Discuss your religious thoughts, especially without asking first
- Say anything canned or corny about death- this may come beyond as disingenuous
- Discuss your ain behavior about why they are dying
- Shift the word to focus solely on your feelings
- Hyper-focus on stop-of-life plans
- Hash out how you'd experience if you were in their shoes
What to Say to a Dying Friend
The nearly important affair to recollect when talking with someone who is in the process of dying is to speak from your heart. Be sincere, empathetic, and willing to listen. Showing up for them tin can help them experience supported, loved, and seen during this transition.
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Source: https://dying.lovetoknow.com/What_to_Say_to_a_Dying_Person
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